perseverance

the persistence of human will is not a force to be mocked. actually, some animals have demonstrated that kind of resolute determination as well, but it's found more often in humans. some people can stick to their guns once they have decided their goals and are virtually immovable after that, while others tend to be a little more fickle and waver ever so often. most of the population is covered by that second demographic - as am i.

there is no point talking about that first group, cos as i said, they are set in stone and prove no inspiration whatsoever! okay okay, i exaggerate. but honestly, i am inspired more by a human than a humanoid - humans being the type who occasionally make mistakes as opposed to humanoids being the kind who do not let themselves make mistakes.

why all this talk of perseverance? cos when you wake up every morning (or night as it is in my case), and sit on the edge of the bed, staring at your feet while yawning, wondering why you're here, then perseverance is the only thing that gets you to work. the frustration can be infuriating at times - twice the last week i have had to go back in to work after leaving in the morning. the exhaustion can be killing - some times i am so tired that i can't sleep, just lay there staring at the ceiling too tired to roll over. the rewards can be unsatisfying - i am still waiting on my review and i work far far harder and get way more results than my paycheck shows.

so why do i do it? well, cos i am hoping and waiting that things get better. it's my first job out of college, things could have been much worse. the responsibilities i hold now look really good on the resume - they are the kind of things that would push me higher up the engineering management ladder when i look elsewhere. for now, i stretch, bide my time, and go back to work.