the neighbour's cats

so this neighbour of ours has cats.. i say cats cos i know there are more than three of them.. unless they keep getting new hairstyles or going on Atkin's diets. yeah, cos these ain't your garden-variety cats, these are fancy kitties - they don't even look like regular cats, with all their coiffed hair and contented looks on their faces. they have hair tints and all.. and i gotta say, they make me feel really self-conscious when i walk past them. it's like i can just hear them talking to themselves:
      "william, look at that boy's pants.. they're so '90s!"
   "nooo, i like his rough n' ready look, i just wanna get my paws on what's inside!"
      "behave yourself william!"
   "c'mon kyle, let me at him!"
yeah.. that's cos i'm pretty sure these cats are gay. you should see them basking in the sun, spooning and all! besides, they're always licking each other up and down and humping the railing when they can't get to each other! i'm pretty sure i can tell metrosexuals apart from homosexuals, and these felines are definitely gay!

not that i have anything against gay cats, its just that i hate how they look at me and judge me and criticise my look and clothes! i don't mind being checked out by girls, that i'm cool with.. these girls who live a few houses up the street are always on the porch when i'm walking home.. i like to kid myself that they stop talking to stare at me whenever i pass.. yeah right!

so there was this time we were sitting out on the porch steps in the middle of the night and passing around a joint.. and one of the cats walked past. he was almost gone, when he stopped, sniffed the air, turned and looked me in the eye, as if to say "hey yo! pass that this way willya.. share some love!" so i brought out the roach from behind my back (don't ask me why i was holding it there, reflex i guess!).. took a long drag, and exhaled in his general direction.

so this cat inhales, smiles contentedly and lays back on the grass.. and starts to touch himself. now man no matter how good the shit is, you don't start playing with yourself out on the road! what's with that yo?! i gave him another puff but when he started clambering all over my knee i had to cut him out of the circle.
   "hey hey cat.. don't be like that yo!"
      "shutup and pass it here, or face the wrath of the samurai kitty"
   "don't be talking like that yo, you don't know me!"
      "grrr.. miaowww.. *thump*.. owww"
   "yeah, how did my fist taste eh kitty cat?!"
he never came back after that, but we did see him walking around our backyard as if checking to see if we grew our own stuff!

we have an uneasy peace these days.. they don't look too hard at me, and i don't make any threatening gestures back at them. they probably get high on catnip and lie around feeling each other up anyway.. heheh!!