camels anyone?

some off my fave off-color jokes involve camels.. here are three of the best..

1)

This guy named Joe was going into the desert for a week and he needed a camel for the trip. Joe was a stranger to the desert but was able to locate a rent-a-camel office. Joe tells the rent-a-camel man that he will be making a long trip through the desert for one week. The rent-a-camel man says even his best camel can only go 4 days without water. After some discussion, the rent-a-camel man says "I don't like to suggest this, but you know a good camel can go an extra 3 days or more if he is bricked." Joe agrees to take the best camel. As he leaves the rent-a-camel office, the rent-a-camel man reminds Joe to brick the camel. Not wanting to display his ignorance, Joe doesn't ask about the procedure for bricking the camel. Well Joe knows that it is a long difficult trip for the camel and lets it eat and drink its fill. He encourages the camel to take on all the water it can by offering it often. Sure enough 4 days into the trip the camel drops dead.

Poor Joe barely makes it back to town alive and can't wait to confront the rent-a-camel man. "You rented me a poor camel", Joe says, "It died after only 4 days in the desert, and I almost perished with it." The puzzled rent-a-camel man looks up at Joe and says, "He was my best camel. Did you brick him?" Mad as hell, Joe replies, "Brick him, what the hell do you mean?!" The rent-a-camel man explains that when the camel bends over to take water, you take two bricks and slam his balls, as the camel gasps with his head in the water he takes on another 3 to 4 day supply of water. "My God!", Joe says, "Doesn't that hurt?" The rent-a-camel man answers, "No! Just keep your thumbs out of the way when you slam the bricks together."

2)

After enlisting in the French Foreign Legion, Joe found that he sorely missed the company of a woman. One day while on guard duty, he asked his buddies what they do when they need a woman. They both chuckled and pointed over to where the camels were kept. Joe thought about it for awhile but decided that it wasn't for him. After several more weeks passed, Joe reluctantly decided he would give his friend's suggestion a try. After the first time it became easy, and Joe visited the camels frequently. Sure enough one night, Joe was discovered doing the wild thing with the camels. His friend yelled, "Joe what do you think you're doing?" Joe was embarrassed and tried to explain, "But you were there, you guys told me to use the camels." Joe's friend laughed, "Yeah Joe, but we usually ride the camels into town and find a woman."

3)

Joe was stranded on an oasis in the desert with his camel for a long time. He hadn't seen a woman for so long that he became interested in mounting the camel. He would set up a box behind the camel, climb up on the box and attempt to mount it. And every single time, the camel would just take a few steps forward. After trying this technique over and over for several days, Joe became increasingly frustrated and obsessed with his desire for the camel. So obsessed in fact that he hardly noticed this beautiful young woman who had luckily found the oasis. She came over to him, and gasped "Oh my God, I am so glad I find this place, tell me what I can do for you, you have saved my life!" Joe looks her up and down, in her skimpy, bedraggled outfit, and then says, "No, there's nothing you can do." So she says, "Are you sure? I will do anything, I really will!" Finally Joe relents and asks "Can you hold the camel for me?"