perseverance

the persistence of human will is not a force to be mocked. actually, some animals have demonstrated that kind of resolute determination as well, but it's found more often in humans. some people can stick to their guns once they have decided their goals and are virtually immovable after that, while others tend to be a little more fickle and waver ever so often. most of the population is covered by that second demographic - as am i.

there is no point talking about that first group, cos as i said, they are set in stone and prove no inspiration whatsoever! okay okay, i exaggerate. but honestly, i am inspired more by a human than a humanoid - humans being the type who occasionally make mistakes as opposed to humanoids being the kind who do not let themselves make mistakes.

why all this talk of perseverance? cos when you wake up every morning (or night as it is in my case), and sit on the edge of the bed, staring at your feet while yawning, wondering why you're here, then perseverance is the only thing that gets you to work. the frustration can be infuriating at times - twice the last week i have had to go back in to work after leaving in the morning. the exhaustion can be killing - some times i am so tired that i can't sleep, just lay there staring at the ceiling too tired to roll over. the rewards can be unsatisfying - i am still waiting on my review and i work far far harder and get way more results than my paycheck shows.

so why do i do it? well, cos i am hoping and waiting that things get better. it's my first job out of college, things could have been much worse. the responsibilities i hold now look really good on the resume - they are the kind of things that would push me higher up the engineering management ladder when i look elsewhere. for now, i stretch, bide my time, and go back to work.

sleepless

i really envy people who can get their heads down and get some sleep.. cos hell i can't just.. sleep! there's always shit running through my head, things i have to do, bills to pay, people i have to speak to, etc etc. and no it doesn't end there, after that there is the continuous self-assessment and judgement of how, what and when i did whatever i did. there are people who tend to be hard on themsleves, and then there's me - ever-critical and always dragging myself down.

once upon a time i could meditate to clear my mind, but these days concentrating for periods longer than a deep breath is almost impossible. just need to find that flow again, a set routine which allows me to get 6-8 hours of good and uninterrupted sleep, as well as getting at least two solid meals a day. as far as exercise goes, the menial nature of the work i do and the cycling to and from work adequately makes up for that category!

so now i end up trying to beat my insomniac tendencies by listening to ambient music, cooling the room and darkening it, and hoping fervently i will nod off and not have my eyes fly back open after a couple of hours! any advice you good folk might have?

suit yourself

i've been an erstwhile reader and follower of Dale Carnegie's principlessince i was twelve. honestly speaking it changed my life, helped me become more outgoing, made it easier to communicate and to understand fellow members of the species. there have been very few instances that the lessons he taught have been found coming up short - in my experience very rarely has that happened.

people management has never been a difficult task for me, especially after Mr. Carnegie. even in my present job, i have found that paying a little extra attention, looking people in the eye and calling them by name has worked pretty well for me to delegate work etc. the one place that my method has come a cropper though has been with my superiors. i can honestly say i have tried to be civil, respectful, obedient and all that, and it's led to situations where i distinctly feel that i have been taken advantage of, or taken for granted.

nothing pisses me off more than being taken for a ride - i'm a very pleasant, run-of-the-mill type bloke, but when people start fucking around with me then i tend to get fucking irritated, and then i can get fucking cold and business-like too. it's not how i like being nor how i like conducting business, but i guess if the suit fits the occasion, then it must be worn.

backhanded pat on the back

funny how professional life tends to treat you.. i can truly say i hauled ass in the three months i've been working - putting in place new systems, preparing new documentation, improving production and efficiency numbers. and what do I get for all that? a promotion that sure as hell doesn't feel like one!

i go back to the nighshift starting sunday, but this time as 'Maintenance Supervisor - Changeovers, Startups & Sanitation'. i'm not really happy about going back to the midnight-morning schedule, but hey who knows, it might mean less hours.

isn't this typical of life - the harder and better you work, the more you get piled on you. i can deal with that, but what really gets my goat here is that in my case i am getting the distinct impression i'm getting the garden-variety unglamorous responsibilities!

the Pepsi Bottling Group is trying hard to move away from the philosophy that Changeovers are the most difficult part of running a bottling operation, and i'm glad to be at the forefront of that. Startups are a related issue, and we're getting better at it.. with me around at the crucial hours of 3am-7am, we'll only get better. then they throw me a curve ball by adding Sanitation to my plate! since you definitely want your Pepsi to be brewed and bottled under the most hygienic conditions possible, guess what.. keeping the bottling environment as clean and tidy as possible is now my responsibility! muhahahahah! blame QC though if you don't like the flavor of your soda!

like when i started, am gonna be all gung-ho about my job.. that doesn't mean i'll stop griping about it! and oh yes, the raise after my review better be a good one, i need a new ride!

monday fun

there is always a good way to end a dreary monday.. a bottle of wine and some surprises make for a great way to start the week! unfortunately, a not so great tuesday morning however.. i think i'll keep a low profile at work until i clear the cobwebs and cotton balls from my head!

hot hot summer

as you all know, this blog has always appreciated the aesthetic sense of beauty..

hahaha.. yeah right! this blog is all about sex, alcohol and rock n' roll baby! so because we haven't had some summer eyecandy here for a bit, i present ten celebrity babes in bikinis that have been making waves.. heh, bikinis, making waves.. gettit? enjoy yourselves you lecherous ladies and gawking guys..

boiling, broiling

this heat wave that hit the north east was quite the beast! a week of 100+ weather had led to frazzled nerves and spazzed people.. luckily enough today was much cooler and the warm evening breeze floating by allowed us to shut off the air-conditioning for a breather

funnily enough, i've lived in hotter weather, more humid too.. but now it becomes quite intolerable. even worse is the plant, cos of all the machines and stuff, floor temperatures can go up to 110F and up in the overhead conveyors and catwalks up to 140F. when working in the conveyors we have to keep taking breaks cos it's virtually impossible in the heat of the day to even lift a wrench without sweating!

i guess i can't complain much though, cos up in the northeast in the bowels of cold winters we yearn for these days. only that i wish i could spend these hot days of summer lying by a pool, holding a drink with an umbrella floating in it!