cold is..

i broke one of my own cardinal rules in life, and took a saturday shift at work. i have made it a point to never work on weekends.. never. and yet i sit here on saturday afternoon.. when i could still be nursing last night's high and watching 'Scrubs' reruns.. sometimes mind wins over heart.. besides i could really do with the $24!!

so i look outside, into this mini-blizzard raging.. and think to myself.. which is colder.. the one you feel physically, or the one in your mind?

cold is.. when it's so gloomy outside that it looks like a grey blanket has been drawn over the sky.. when the biting cold whips up powdered snow, and it sneaks into the crack at the back of your neck where the jacket doesn't quite reach your woollen cap.. when howling little wind-elves slash at your face with their icy fingers and freeze-stick your eyelashes together.. when the tears streaming out of your eyes form little ice-drops that stick to your cheeks, and rip a top-layer of skin when you scrape them off, leaving raw little red dots.

cold is.. when the voices in your head turn into a maelstrom of noise, and you cannot decide which one to listen to.. when there is such a hollow emptiness sucking away inside your heart that it feels you swallowed lead-shot and are falling down a dark elevator shaft.. when you want someone (that someone, only) so bad that you fall to the floor, head down, eyes clenched, one arm reaching out, fingers splayed on the cold floor, hand upturned, hoping that she would just even look at you again with a warm smile.. when it hurts so much inside that your throat feels like a concrete-burn, and you taste blood with every breath you take, and you want to cry but the tears won't come.. for you have nothing inside, nothing.