closure

a strange word.. rolls off the tongue weirdly.. is it just me or does everyone need closure as much as i do? i've never been one for logic in my madness.. yet every step requires a certain completion to it for me. and it manifests itself in all sorts of ways.. from the need to have the last word, the desire to end things properly, the requirement to sleep a guiltless sleep, the craving for one last hit, the longing to have one last conversation, the yearning for being wanted the same way, the brooding over how i self-destructed this time, the clamor for change once again, the lust for a passion denied, the wanting to apologise and make up for what might already be a dead cause.. the closure.

closure (noun)
1. The act of closing or the state of being closed.
2. Something that closes or shuts.
3. A bringing to an end; a conclusion.
4. The property of being mathematically closed.
5. The Epistemic Closure Principle, in philosophy.

so strangely enough, i have discovered that my life and ambitions seem to be run by the search for closure. everything i do is like a topping-off of what i have already done, as if what lies ahead should be a fitting end to what has been accomplished. it had become like an obligation that i must fulfil! it is a little unnerving to realise that, that i may be happy but i am not at peace.. yet. i'm still seeking the closure.