Thursday, March 31, 2005

splitting to torn

every once in a while, you sit down to think. its strange, are you getting older, cos dammit you find yourself thinking a lot these days.. and you think about decisions you made in the past. you look back at them, usually with mixed emotion. much as you had decided to live by "no remorse, no regret".. there are some things you have done that you do regret, and have slowly conditioned yourself to forget.. the very same things that don't let you be both peaceful and happy at the same time. and you do know that the day you can control both happiness and peace in your life, is the day you have achieved your nirvana here.

in yet another one of those intense thought sessions.. you thought about whether it's all about the flash.. or about the stable? everyone wishes they could have the best of both worlds.. the eyecatching, debonair 'flash'.. or the solid, trustworthy 'stable'. will you be the happy-go-lucky grasshopper who frittered away the whole summer in pursuit of wine, women and song.. or the hardworking ant who toiled stolidly away all along, and the only one left hale and hearty when winter blew around? are you the persevering tortoise who carried his cross all the way.. or the glory-seeking hare that pranced all over, but faded out into nothingness?

so there you sit, first split, then torn.. on the choices that you made, and will have to make in the days ahead. go in peace brother, and be happy.

be there

hold on to the thread, the currents will shift
guide me towards you,
know something's left, and we're all allowed to dream
of the next time we touch..

you don't have to stray, two oceans away
waves roll in my thoughts,
hold tight the ring, the sea will rise
please stand by the shore..

I will be, I will be..
there once more.

'Oceans' - Pearl Jam (Ten)

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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

blogger code/decode

so what's your blogger code then?? here's a fun little ditty to try your hand at! make sure you drop by and leave your code results in the comments section! (to decode results.. try this decoder )
B4 d- t k+ s+ u-- f+ i o++ x+ e+ l- c

closure

a strange word.. rolls off the tongue weirdly.. is it just me or does everyone need closure as much as i do? i've never been one for logic in my madness.. yet every step requires a certain completion to it for me. and it manifests itself in all sorts of ways.. from the need to have the last word, the desire to end things properly, the requirement to sleep a guiltless sleep, the craving for one last hit, the longing to have one last conversation, the yearning for being wanted the same way, the brooding over how i self-destructed this time, the clamor for change once again, the lust for a passion denied, the wanting to apologise and make up for what might already be a dead cause.. the closure.

closure (noun)
1. The act of closing or the state of being closed.
2. Something that closes or shuts.
3. A bringing to an end; a conclusion.
4. The property of being mathematically closed.
5. The Epistemic Closure Principle, in philosophy.

so strangely enough, i have discovered that my life and ambitions seem to be run by the search for closure. everything i do is like a topping-off of what i have already done, as if what lies ahead should be a fitting end to what has been accomplished. it had become like an obligation that i must fulfil! it is a little unnerving to realise that, that i may be happy but i am not at peace.. yet. i'm still seeking the closure.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

back to work

finally went back to work today.. its a little hectic these days, which is good in that time passes by quickly.. but bad cos i dont get to read blogs and stuff, and also cos it's tough getting time out to chat.. besides these days work is fun because of the chatting!

ok, now a fervent, sincere request to all of you bloggers who are still using the Blogger™ commenting service, please STOP! please. stop. i am already plagued by a receding hairline without having to tear each strand out from the follicle waiting for the bloody comment page to load!! please please just get Haloscan, and save us all!

it does finally seem like spring is here, and the sun does more than check in for a few minutes daily as if to punch in its timecard! arul and i went into the backyard to see what condition our cricket pitch was in. it's still pretty damp, so we took advantage of the moist soil and dug up the batting area, so that we could re-lay the pitch. we improvised a roller by getting a log too! by the time may comes around we should have an excellent track ready :-)

i might have mentioned this before, but i don't really follow the news much.. so much happens around that i prefer to stay 'blissfully unaware' :-) i just make sure to read the Time every monday and that gives me enough to know what happened where, and enough to more than hold my own in case i get sucked into any intellectual current affairs debate. anyways, take care and have a great day y'all!

Monday, March 28, 2005

Tranquility

the serrated mountain-tops cut the clouds in the distance, as if reaching through the cottony white for the skies above. the mountains are a dark band, laid against the pale blue skies. the snows are melting, exposing the darker rock beneath. nature has a way of making me feel very small, and you have a way of making me feel big again. snuggled against me, your head against my shoulder, we sit quietly, looking at the vista around us. the silence speaks a thousand words, each word whispering a different story, and a different time, of you and me. a smile plays on your lips, loving the solitude here, you and me lost in our own world.

at this high altitude, the panorama is heart-stirring. far below us is a long, winding road, stretching out on both sides as far as the eye can see. i know at one end of the road is this old-fashioned bakery, with little scones that melt in your mouth, and hot breads that line the windows, filling the air with their freshly-baked scent. we sat on the wooden tables outside there yesterday, watching the pats of home-made butter and fresh honey trickle down the slices of bread, and gobbling up mouthfuls. then, you fed the birds and squirrels, while i regaled you with silly tales of cats and dolphins who were friends! and as we ambled along the road, i picked you fresh spring daisies that grew in clumps, pretty against the verdant green of the grass and the trees on one side, and the grey and dusty dirt road on the other.

running along the road some distance away is a clear brook, coming straight down from the mountains, as it trickles and ripples over the smooth white pebbles which make the stream bed. it's early spring, and ice crystals still bespeckle the sparkling water, catching the sunlight and splitting it into a myriad rainbows. i snapped away with my camera, as you sat among the rocks there, alternately pouting and giggling with glee. the tall mountains looked upon us silently, benign smiles from their crags and cliffs, it's almost as if we seek their approval.


your lips are hungry against mine, your tongue alive. i breathe deep, and feel you filling me, completing me. your hands are in my hair, your eyes close in rapt bliss. the bunch of daisies lying on the rug bear witness to our passion, their yellow eyes smiling at us. i trail a white petal on your cheek and trace the little dimple there. i raise myself, and tease your lips with the petal. the velvety softness of it raises goosebumps as slowly it skims against the soft white skin of your neck. i reach down to kiss the goosebumps on your chest, as they run wild. once again your hands are in my hair, but this time, they're asking, urging. you exhale slowly, almost afraid that the moment shall escape, but you know that it shall forever remain in memory.

later, we lay back, recovering in each other's arms, and look at the logs making up the ceiling. dark grain running one way, lighter the other. your head on my chest, as you snuggle tighter against me, pulling the dark blue fleece blanket around us. a slightly fruity whiff of your shampoo in the air, and the musky heat of two bodies in earnest conversation. i reach down to kiss your forehead, as you turn to look into my eyes, a look with a million thoughts of an eternity together. you turn around, and reach up to me, and i taste coffee on your lips, coffee with a hint of chocolate, just the way you like it.

again at night we sit on the bench, huddled together as the slight breeze still bears testament to a winter just passed. the curving crescent of the early moon wan against the striking view that unfolds in front of us, paling into nothingness against the radiance of your happy smile as you sit here, ensconcing yourself in me. white stars far far away, grazing like sheep on the black velvet of the night's sky. vapour rises from the cap of the thermos, and as you sip the coffee slowly, the puffs of steam from our breath entwine into one, wrapping this moment up like yet another timeless memory.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

sleepy sunday

man it's been really long since i last pulled a night-out.. partying, academic or otherwise.. of course having good company on YM voicechat definitely helps! honey.. you did, you did!!

sank was busy all day finishing up his proj report, arul was either in school or in limbo.. so i kinda wandered around aimlessly, smiling sheepishly/sleepishly and watching the new NFL channel.. i love that channel, it really makes up for not having football on sundays in the offseason. there's just something so wrong about not having football on tv on sundays!

made a very traditional bengali dish today.. shorshey maccher jhaal, which is ground-mustard fish curry. i'd put up a link to the recipe here, but my version was 'designer'.. i.e. made up as i went along! you can try this though, but lemme warn you all that ground mustard paste when made well is more lethal than wasabe (horse-radish) too!! another thing to be noted is that it works best if you soak the mustard seeds overnight in water.

maccher jhaal


watched 'Dude, Where's The Party' (aka 'Where's The Party, Yaar?').. which was pretty hilarious!! it has kal penn of 'Harold & Kumar' fame! a bit weak on the storyline, but a pretty funny movie nonetheless, and some excellent music in it too! every indian student in the US will find something in it to identify with, while all of you not in the US (especially mom and dad!).. don't believe a thing they say!!

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is it me?

someone finds salvation in everyone
and another only fame
someone tries to hide themself
down inside their selfish brain
someone swears his true love
until the end of time
another runs away
is everyone united?
or is everyone insane?

to be yourself is all that you can do

'Be Yourself' - Audioslave (Out Of Exile)

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Saturday, March 26, 2005

good times

an excellent day today.. jo from the library took us out for a treat to the seneca niagara casino, then we went to the falls nearby. i have to say the niagara falls look absolutely awesome in winter!! it was a beautiful day to be out too, with the sun shining and all!

niagara falls


in the evening nats and i were feeling creative, so we decided to look up recipes.. and finally came up with one for mangalorean chicken curry.. and man i have to say, we cook awesome. period. sank and arul tend to usually be the beneficiaries of our cooking experiments, and rarely do we fail to delight! it turned out to be one spicy mother%#*@&^!!

mangalorean chicken curry


cliched though it may sound, i have not been this happy for ages! research going great guns.. health on the mend again.. appetite back to its destructive best.. cooking skills honed to sharpness.. a fresh and absolutely invaluable relationship.. and finally rid of some 'friends' who'd been dragging me into their mires. i'm doing really good thank you :-))

your sweet gravity

is it me too sinister
or it's just sinuous
is the curve parabolic
or it's just a parable

is the distance great
or do the words grate
is the feeling strong
or are wants strained

is it that impossible
or it's so implausible
is it you deep in me
or it's us being we

Friday, March 25, 2005

happy bday ashish!!

well, yesterday was a crazy day.. the amount of planning that went into ash's birthday surprise was amazing! we had to run around sorting out the cake and gifts and dinner and all, all without letting ash know what was afoot.. then just when everything was all set and we were gonna surprise him, tracie called him up and blew it all.. grrr!

the party was fun, got a cake, a big bottle of Bully Hill blush, a bottle of YellowTail shiraz and a bottle of Bacardi Limon.. then nats and i made lasagna with shredded chicken which turned out excellent, but a little too heavy in the chicken and a little too light on the cheese..

so after that party, when everyone was a little buzzed, we decided that we had to drop by Third Base and pay homage there.. after all, it has been a few months!! had a tequila shot.. then a drink.. and a Jaeger shot for the road.. and called it a night.. only thing was when i got home i didn't feel too buzzed yet, so then out came the scotch.. and the party continued.. ;-))

you would not believe it but they don't have a holiday in UB today for Good Friday! crapola eh?! so here i am at work.. and once again thanks to YM i'm not that cranky! have yourselves a very good Easter everybody, and a very happy Holi to y'all too!!

in your eyes

I am too connected to you
to slip away,
to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
touching me,
changing me,
(and, considerately killing me?)

'H' - Tool (Aenima)

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

mundane days

my lab work has gone for a toss again.. it's a shame really, cos everytime i start getting into it something or the other comes up.. damned flu! it's almost like the Fates have it that i am not to get things done in proper time.. then again, what's new there?! work at the library is fine, it's quiet enough to keep me from having to exert too much energy! i am turning american though, with a plastic smile and cheery hi there, what can i do for you today?.. got off work at 2 to find a sleet blizzard had hit the city, so lab went for yet another toss, and i went for a nice long nap!

i love gadgets, though only the good Lord above knows when i'll be able to afford these pricey baubles.. *looking up at the heavens, hoping*.. the PlayStation Portable (PSP) is here, and man it looks awesome!! Game Boy Advance better shape up fast! the PSP comes at a pricey $399 from amazon.. but you gotta look at what it's got!

PSP baby!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

pulp rock anyone?

it's with growing dismay i note the exponential growth of a musical genre that for lack of a better term i call pulp rock*.. dismay because every three- or four-man unit thinks they can add distortion and zooms to syrupy-angsty lyrics and get away with being called a rock band! kurt cobain would shoot himself again, and again, were he around to witness this decay! the worst part is that these are not small-time garage bands, the record companies have marketed them well enough so that even though the music is not polished, the image is straight-off-the-glossy-pages..

*pulp fiction - sensationalized, poor-quality writing, from its being printed on rough pulpy paper
  - Courtesy of Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English.


i listen to WEDG 103.3 FM - The Edge, which calls itself 'Buffalo's Rock Station'.. and they do a pretty good job covering genres and eras.. it is not uncommon to hear Iron Maiden, Rage Against The Machine, Nirvana then Black Sabbath in succession.. however, their listeners' choice of current Top 10 really bewilders me.. that too from a city known for its passion for what purists would call the real heavy metal.. Metallica and Tool concerts sold out six months before the concert day!! make no mistake, i like some of the bands in this today's Top 10, but surely people this is NOT rock?!

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Monday, March 21, 2005

animals overrun Hollywood!

pretty sad monday.. woke up early and went into the lab, and all the remaining time i spent laid up in bed with the stupid cough and sniffly cold! *boooring!* thank god for YM.. or else it would be quite unbearable!

someone sent me this hilarious fwd today, which totally made my day!! animals have taken over some of Hollywood's biggest productions!! pandemonium reigns as Orwellian predictions come true!! welcome to the United States of Animalica, where all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others!

ChimpteaseThere's Something About DairyGeeseGladigator

Lion Of The RingsMootrixThe Pelican

have yourselves a great day everyone!!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

weekend/weakened

had a pretty terrible weekend.. i'm down yet again with a cough and cold.. this has been a horrible winter for me healthwise.. i've been plagued by recurrent colds all the way since november :-(( strange thing is that i haven't been doing anything to invite it, unlike last winter when we went clubbing and pubbing, painting the city all shades of tequila! some people i know still don't talk to me since then!!

so i've pretty much been in bed all weekend except the waking daylight hours of saturday, when sank and i heroically spent the afty in the lab.. sank is working on his project report that's due tomorrow, and i actually studied IRM (infra-red microscopy).. and none of you can be more surprised than me.. cos i really didn't think i had it in me anymore to sit and concentrate for periods longer than it takes me to tie my shoelace!! even that takes a really concentrated effort and usually results in a headrush early every morning!!

aaand another week beckons.. and i gotta say i don't even feel like leaving my bed! my grand master plan of eliminating mondays and thursdays from my week has been shelved until further notice by my advisor, who was not in the least amused by the suggestion that i need to rest my mind after such sustained spurts of brain activity.. he maintains that opening the door to the lab and switching on the radio doesn't count as intellectual work that merits a break! c'mon man!!

Blue Post Index

So i have been getting a wide variety of questions and complaints about the blue posts.. so for the convenience of all the old fans, and those who haven't read all.. here you go:
  1. Journey - October 21st 2004
  2. Coffee - October 25th 2004
  3. Rain - November 16th 2004
  4. Hospital - November 22nd 2004
  5. Road - December 28th 2004
  6. Control - February 20th 2005
  7. Journey, redux - March 4th 2005
  8. The Room - March 16th 2005

Friday, March 18, 2005

grad student friday

had a pretty late night yesterday.. slept clean through till lunchtime! went to the lab with sank, fiddled around some more all afternoon, and am finally ready to start a fresh run of experiments. my advisor dr. baier is keeping a real close eye on me these days, what with daily meetings and all.. i just might have to do the hitherto 'unthinkable' - go into the lab over the weekend!! so does it make me a geek if i say that this new round of experiments has actually sparked the researcher's lightbulb in my head?! i am actually keeping my weekend free to work in the lab! that's also partly due to the fact i have a bit of a cold and a sore throat.. and that is a real party-pooper for any activities that involve cold beer or exotic smokeables!!

so nats, sank and i went to Paula's for coffee & do'nuts.. which was nice cos it's been a while since we've done something like that. it was a bracing walk as the winter chill hasn't really lifted yet (daily maximum is barely crossing 0 deg. C!!), though it does really really seem like the worst of the snows are over..
maple leaf frozen in the slush of time

came back home, warmed up some 'glug', made some fish curry and nats made chapatis.. and we behaved like the grad students we are, by eating quietly and crashing before 12!! ;-)) basically sank n' i were both feeling too crappy to raise hell.. besides, he has a huge project report due monday, and i will be running around in the lab tomorrow.

happy st. paddy's day.. hic!!

yes, to all you irish out there (including those of you who turn irish only for the day!), happy st. patrick's day y'all!! if this is nothing you have ever heard of, then click here! so the bars all opened at noon, and by the time i got off my workshift people were drifting around dazed.. it's the biggest drinking holiday in the US, bigger than New Year's too.. and beer makers lick their chops in anticipation of 17th March!!

our advisor baier put sank and me in the same lab!! hahaha!! so we cleaned up the basement lab and made out two comfortable workspaces!! now to see how much work really gets done!! besides, secret plans are afoot for a very fun event soon (there?), keep your eyes and ears wide open!! ;-)

so after two and half hours of 'hard' work, we decided to call it quits, and went home to plan how to celebrate st. paddy's day in style, yet as less damagingly to the pocket as possible! thought of making truck bombs, which are super-sized car bombs actually - half a shot glassful of Bailey's Irish Cream then topped off with Jameson Irish Whiskey, and the whole thing dunked in a 18 oz. (500ml.) glass half-filled with Guinness Beer, then chugged down as far as humanly possible!! so the truck bombs we had last time were insanely huge cos sank n' i were winter-hiking at a log cabin up north in the Adirondacks!! it was the most crazily, freezingly, tiringly, panoramically fun trip ever!! finally we came to the simplest solution, picked up a six pack each of Killian's and Guinness and went home!

jason called up to say he wanted to make glug, so naturally sank's and my curiosity was roused as it always is by any mention of meat or alcohol, and we went over. the recipe said it would make something in the region of a gallon!!
mulling glug

the strainer-funnel

pouring it

it turned out to be an excellent brew!! very rich, sweet and full-bodied, and a pleasant drink to sip, and not glug! swirl a mouthful around and imbibe the aromas of the spice which run through to your nose, and let your tongue taste the flavors. i think we did excellently on our first attempt, and a quick run through our distillator unit in the lab and we would be approaching something that we could bottle for a career! we could not taste the alcohol but it was there, like the lurking menace hovering over a perfectly sunny spring day..

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

the happiness in unhappiness

Why are creative types skeptical of joy? Because somebody has to be!

Many things make people think artistic-types are weird - the late nights, the nonconformity, the cigarettes, but the weirdest must be the unwavering focus on the emotions that make us feel lousy. Art today can give you angst, definitely. Anomie? No problem. Bittersweetness? You got it. Tristesse? What size do you want that in? But great art, as defined by those in the great-art-defining business, is almost never about simple, unironic happiness.

This wasn't always so. The earliest forms of art, like painting and music, are those best suited for expressing joy. But somewhere in the 19th century, more artists began seeing happiness as insipid, phony or, worst of all, boring. We went from Wordsworth's daffodils to Baudelaire's flowers of evil. By the the 20th century, loud music became more atonal, and visual art more unsettling.

Sure, there have been exceptions, but it would not be a stretch to say that for the past century or so, serious art has been at war with happiness. You could argue that art became more skeptical of happiness because modern times have seen such misery. But it's not as if earlier times didn't know perpetual war, disaster and the massacre of innocents. The reason, in fact, may be just the opposite: there is too much damn happiness in the world today!!

After all, there is one form of expression almost completely dedicated to depicting happiness - Advertising. The rise of anti-happy art almost exactly tracks the emergence of mass media, and with it, a commercial culture in which happiness is not just an ideal but an ideology. Today the messages your average Westerner is bombarded with are all relentlessly happy. Fast-food eaters, news anchors, text messengers, all smiling, smiling, smiling, except for that guy who has to take painful insulin injections every night as his dog watches!

It gets exhausting, this constant goad to joy. If you're not smiling - after we made all those wonderful pills and cell-phone plans! - what's wrong with you? Not to smile is un-American. You can pick out the Americans in a crowd of tourists by their reflexive grins. The U.S. enshrined in its founding document the right to the pursuit of happiness. So we pursued it and - at least as commerce defines it - we caught it. But now, like the dog that chased and finally caught the car, we don't know what the hell to do with it.

We feel vaguely dissatisfied though we have what we should want, feel vaguely guilty for wanting it, feel vaguely angry because it didn't come as advertised. People tsk-tsked over last month's study in which women reported being happier having sex or watching TV than playing with their kids. But why shouldn't they? This is how the market defines happiness. Happiness is feeling good. Kids, those who exist outside ads, make you feel bad, exhausted, frustrated, bored and poor. Then they move away and break your heart.

What we forget is that happiness is more than pleasure sans pain. Things that bring the greatest joy carry the greatest potential for disappointment. We need someone to tell us that it is okay not to be happy, that sadness makes happiness deeper. We need art to tell us, as religion once did, "memento mori" - remember that you will die, everything ends, and that happiness comes not in denying this but in living with it.

This is adapted from an article by James Poniewozik, in the January 17th issue of TIME, called 'The Art of Unhappiness'.

The Room

a butterfly smile flits across your face, hovering above your full petal lips, sipping delicately from the nectar of your tongue as it writhes around mine. it's hot in the room, and a slight flush creeps slowly from your cheekbones down to the curves where your jawbones disappear deliciously towards your neck. an idle hand plays in your long straight hair, sliding down the loose strands straying across your face as the fan gusts warm drafts chasing each other round and round the room. you look at me as we kiss, your kohl-rimmed eyes boring into mine. the eyes of longing, of a hunger that cannot be sated by the mere meeting of two lustful bodies. a thirst that will not be slaked in this life or the next. a want that became a need.

you love it when i tease, you need it almost. you look almost homely in my old white school shirt, the top two buttons undone, and nothing underneath. i pull off a long black hair from the shirt collar, and run it imperceptibly over your cheek. you flinch gently as it tickles a trail over your face. you impudently nip at my ear lobe, and whisper throatily "spank me, i'm a bad girl!". i laugh at that, while you lift the shirt tail and lay across my lap. you turn around to look at me, wiggling your curvy bottom saucily, and i can't help but laugh even louder! you want it real bad, i can see that, but i'm not gonna give it to you! i have to stop laughing eventually as your greedy lips find mine and we roll around, a white shirt and black boxers in a tumble dryer.

we live like two bohemians in this room, the once-whitewashed walls now covered in swathes of red, blobs of yellow, words of black and clouds of blue. we make gentle love, drink dry chardonnay and i paint sunflower fields at sunset. we go at it like animals in heat, smoke camel turkish royals and i paint alice in chains lyrics. at night we light pine-scented candles, imagine ourselves in a forest with the star-spangled night sky above for a blanket, and watch our shadows intertwine with wispy smoke trails on the walls. we eat raspberries dipped in vanilla ice cream, that stain our fingers and lips red. i play with creating red stains on your creamy skin, and marvel how different cool ice cream tastes when slathered over your hot sweaty belly.

and when you cannot take it any more, i hold you by the hair and yank your head up to kiss your lips until they turn blue, and your moan turns into a hoarse scream. in the corner where two walls meet the floor, sitting on the couch, standing against the door and lying on the rug under the window where the sun rays pour in to herald another dawn. who would ever want to leave the room?

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

indian women and blogging

before all you womens' lib-bers start brandishing all your pen-swords, lemme just clarify what i wanna write about here.. some time back i had written about how blogging has presented a new medium of expression to people the world over, and a new platform for meeting of minds moulded by different cultures..

well, it does seem that now the world of blogging has given the young indian woman a megaphone from which her voice travels the rooftops of not only india, but the world over.. Hemangini Gupta wrote about this in her article for The Hindu a few days back.

a lot of western women have been using blogs as a vent for some time now (Angeline, BreakupBabe, Cat, Grace, Nina and so many others).. but its great to see that more and more indian women are being brave enough to come out and say what they feel about things, especially things that have been for years and years considered taboo in india's male-dominated culture! an indian woman who ever talked about what she wanted, desired or really felt led to her being vilified as having loose morals, and the associated labels of harlot etc that came with that.

i'm really glad to be present to see this blog revolution.. and how BridalBeer handles her return to living in india where she is to be married off.. how Ekta is managing to slowly let the outside world see how she and her lifestyle thrive in her darkness.. how Reshma battles the demons of her angst and juggles a hectic senior exec position in a hitherto male bastion.. and also to all those college girls who write about their daily ups and downs (please forgive me for not naming you individually, but you all know yourselves!), but you do know you're all linked and i read you all everyday!! :-))

okie, i know this piece might sound quite patronising, but let me assure you all that it was not meant to be at all.. and would also like to say that i'm not writing this for the glory, or that indian women really need my support or anything.. it's a growing trend i noticed, and one that i am happy to see, and read.

i hope that satisifies your bloodlust, Ms. IToldYouSo ;-)

back to buffalo

and yet another Spring Break goes (down the drain, that is!!).. arul & i had landed up in columbus, ohio.. pinku is at Ohio State Univ there. got there early on saturday morning, thanks to Greyhound Buses.. woke up pinku, who was later heard complaining that he hadn't woken up in the a.m. hours for nearly a year.. and people call me lazy?! had 'grinders' for lunch, which must be my fave food in columbus! walked around the campus.. spring is already in the air in ohio, unlike in buffalo where we still seem moronically mired in the snows of winter!

we played three-man-galli-cricket in the racquetball court.. which wasn't as stupid as it sounds at all!! members of RSF will fondly remember those days when we threw ourselves around the corridors of HJB in '99-'00, the heydays of our galli-cricket! unsurprisingly enough, we still retain much the same characteristics, as was proved during the cricket games of our last reunion!

the Wish You Were Here Pink Floyd tribute band was pretty good.. and totally worth the money.. even the opening band (Bad Mattitude) kicked ass, delving into led zep and deep purple.. arul knocked back a few beers (yes people, it did happen!!), pinku a few more than that.. and i managed to get desperately wasted.. to the point that i still had Michelob's Amber Bock surging throught my veins the next day! pinku's alcohol-inspired midnight-biryani was a taste sensation.. and served as post-hangover breakfast-fodder on sunday morning.

ravenously hungry on sunday afternoon.. we went to a quantity-not-quality Chinese buffet which wasn't bad at all.. especially since for $6 bucks each we managed to severely deplete shrimp, mussel, chicken and vegetable populations throughout the MidWest!! good stuff! hung out and shopped for a bit, then went over to my distant cousin lopa's for tea and brownies.. yummy! sunday night was somehow subdued, as the after-effects of the weekend's exertions started telling.. had a bit of a gettogether with pinku's friends and roomies, and over a few glasses of Count Smirnoff's transparent wonder had a lovely "let's all take pinku's case" session!! :-D

monday we went to OSU and had a quick tour around the Buckeye campus (Buckeye being the official logo of the college).. had lunch at Chipotle (excellent excellent website by the way!), which has to be my favourite mexican food joint ever!! what's even better is that they serve Corona too.. what better to wash down the burritos and jalapenos!!

in the evening, we called in an Adriatico's 'buckeye special' pizza, which is a monster, almost three feet by two feet rectangular pizza, enough to feed all the 105,000 scarlet n' grey faithful who jam the Horseshoe Stadium when the Buckeyes play football.. nahh, just kidding.. but it is monstrous!! also got some Rochester-brewed Honey Brown ale.. which is a no-frills, honest beer.. and had a final 'sento' session, reminiscing the good ol' kgp days again.. a quick note to RSF - when do you boyz want to do the reunion this year?

the journey back was uneventful, and dreary.. landed back at home at 6 in the morning, barely got an hour of shuteye, and here i am providing essential library services to the hardworking UB student community (note.. it's spring break and not even ONE student has come in today!).. see you all very soon! :-))

Friday, March 11, 2005

on a break

dear friends and readers, i'm gonna be a on a short holiday for the next few days.. will try to blog in between, but don't count on it! take care and enjoy yourselves!!
buffalo to columbus

Thursday, March 10, 2005

call it what you will

Main Entry:     dissatisfaction
Part of Speech:   noun
Definition:      discontent
Synonyms: annoyance, anxiety, aversion, boredom, chagrin, complaint, desolation, disapproval, discomfort, discontentment, discouragement, disfavor, disgruntlement, disinclination, dislike, disliking, dismay, displeasure, disquiet, disrelish, distaste, distress, ennui, envy, exasperation, fretfulness, frustration, heartburn, hopelessness, indisposition, irritation, jealousy, lamentation, malcontent, malcontentment, oppression, querulousness, regret, resentment, trouble, uneasiness, weariness
Antonyms:     contentment, gratification, satisfaction

Source:Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus, First Edition (v 1.1.1)
Copyright © 2005 by Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

hang on

this is for all the people (fans?) who absolutely inundated my IM today with messages asking how exactly i was planning to carpe the diem today (see yesterday's post if you're all at sea).. stop getting your knickers in a twist!! i will do something(s).. i'm in no hurry yet! maybe i should have titled the post carpe mensis, baby! (mensis = month)!! here's a great idea.. why don't you all write in and suggest what you would like me to do as part of my Carpe Mensis, Baby initiative?!

forza juventus!! what a great day it was for Juventus! they eliminated Real Madrid in another great Champions' League fixture to move into the quarterfinals. i could crow about how great a team they are etc.. but i won't cos i believe their days of winning trophies automatically on pure skill are gone.. these days they have to fight tooth and nail for everything they get! juve have turned into a more hardworking, grafting team.. and all juventino out there are proud of them! :-))

we'd gone to school to watch Lemony Snicket's Series Of Unfortunate Events, but there was a problem with the projector, so the show got cancelled. we ended up coming home early, so i cooked some fish curry.. and shelving all semblances of modesty aside, it was good!! for all those who wanna have some, feel free to drop by 33H anytime tomorrow, or else send a lunchbox with a self-addressed, stamped envelope and i shall be glad to fill it up and return it to you! take care and see y'all soon :-)

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

carpe diem, baby!

my advisor dr. baier is back.. from his travels in the gulf.. we both came to the mutual agreement that i should push back my graduation date to after summer.. which sounds just fine to me.. it allows me one more summer of sheer decadence & hedonism, iniquity & depravity! however much you might enjoy yourself after getting a job, there's nothing quite like the college days, though lack of finances tends to put a damper on things.. but hey, it's summer.. i can work 40 hours/week!

anyways, dr. baier gave me the keys to a new basement lab and office.. its been used for storage so far, but stuff has been moved around.. and it looks like a perfect geek-lab.. which suits me just fine.. hopefully the nerdy atmosphere there will rub off on my thesis research!

"so what does all this have to do with the title of today's post?" i hear voices asking.. no wait, those voices are in my head! hmm.. .. .. .. right ho, back again me lassies and laddies! i just realised i have been way too quiet for way too long! it's time to get out there on the streets again, sing 'stairway to heaven' in a bar with a stranger, drink a beer with breakfast and go to work, take home two girls from the same party.. or maybe do something different this time.. tint my hair a shade of blue, take an unannounced trip to somewhere out of the way, stay in the lab overnight and finish some seven experiments.. yeah, let's carpe diem baby*!!

*carpe diem baby!
- Latin, carpe (= seize) + diem (= day) + baby! (= baby!)
- an admonition to seize the pleasures of the moment without concern for the future

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Closer, Sideways

watched two movies in the last three days.. both excellent, awards-nominated productions. Closer, with Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen was a very slickly made satire on modern relationships.. it did tend to be very graphic at times.. but the one word we all left the theatre muttering was 'dysfunctional'!! every one of the four main characters was busy screwing (in both senses of the word!) every one else.. it does shake any sort of belief in the whole western concept of relationships.. natalie portman and clive owen fully deserved their Oscar nominations and Golden Globes for supporting roles.. julia roberts was refreshing to see again, while i was quite disappointed with jude law's character, who seemed to get screwed over once too often.

then today we watched Sideways, winner of six Independent Spirit awards. it was an independent, small-budget film too and i could understand why it was the lightweight underdog at the Oscars.. they always have one of these kind of films at the Oscars, then one of the Million Dollar Baby types, and one of The Aviator types.. three very different film genres.

Sideways was actually quite a lot of fun, a little less of the slapstick variety of jokes, though it did have its 'rolling in the aisles' moments, and a very different take on relationships than in Closer. though, i was very glad to be closer in age to the Closer folk than the Sideways folk! i would heartily recommend both movies actually, preferably seen within a small time window to heighten the experience!

Friday, March 04, 2005

Journey, redux.

i'm sitting here on the upper berth, back against the divider, feet up on the empty seat adjacent. i haven't sat here like this since the last time i was here with you. it's been over four years actually. somehow i can't shake the memory, seeing you stretched out lazily on the bunk. the emotions it provokes are still strong. they make me feel as if i've been an accomplice to a beautiful crime. and despite the four years past, i can still see your sinuous curves curled up on the seat, head resting on my lap, and your hungry lips pouting, wanting, needing to kiss me.

there is a certain comfort level to intimacy that you reach after a time, when nothing is hurried. its almost lazy how slowly we touch each other. you look at me coyly, wink then bite your forefinger. you're such a temptress at times, pulling it off with such innocent naivete. i trail a naughty fingernail down from your gentle chin, the curve of your creamy neck, to the hollow between your collarbones. a small sigh escapes your lips. i exhale there gently, and your arms scissor around my neck and pull me down.

i look around the train, and nothing seems to have changed. same seat, same windows, same food and drink being hawked. only one difference though. i've changed. maybe you grew up quicker than i did then, but now i've moved on, moved up, moved to better things, i hope. i remember something i wrote a while ago:
"you're only as good as your past allows you to be. the past means nothing if you don't learn from it. my past means nothing, for i have learned nothing. it's been a bittersweet discovery that i am what i am, and that's that - nothing changes."
i'm not sure i still believe that.

your hands are around my neck, pulling, asking, desiring. you raise your head off my lap, and there we stay, staring into each other's eyes. no doubts, worries or cares, its just you and me. the world comes to a sudden standstill, and the train's side-to-side rocking ceases to exist, as our lips meet. you play with my earlobe, as your tongue darts left and right, flicking and running away from mine. my finger traces little figure-8's on your flat belly, and that flips a switch. your teeth mash against mine, as we kiss, hard.

the bunk is small by any standards, but it seems desolately empty now as i lie here, alone, staring at the rivets in the ceiling. the sheets are all railway issue, plain white with a single blue stripe. i remember the cream-colored bedsheet, with little blue and green flowers, as we lay under it whispering great intellectual debates and matters of environmental importance. my heartbeat feels louder with your head pressed to my chest. i play with your little ringlets, little wild ringlets. i tug at one and your eyes fly open in surprise. there's mock outrage in your growl as your mouth comes up looking to bite. instead i grab your head, as we kiss, again.

i don't know how long we lay there, under the sheets, giggling away to my inane (insane?) jokes like a pair of perfect potheads. perfect pair, ah yes, that's right - we were the perfect pair. you are a drug for me. without you, i start craving for you. with you, i am as high as the skies above. and with too much of you it dulls the rush. interesting. with your chin on my chest, you look at me. you're gently mouthing the words to eric clapton's "you look wonderful tonight.." my ears strain to catch your breathy voice, and i close my eyes, hearing the song. a little later i open my eyes and i'm still here, same bunk, same train rocking, but there's no you.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

nature's secrets

mes·ca·line (n.)

1.) An alkaloid drug, C11H17NO3, obtained from mescal buttons*, which produces hallucinations.

2.) 3,4,5-trimethoxyphenethylamine. Hallucinogenic alkaloid isolated from the flowering heads (peyote) of lophophora (formerly anhalonium) williamsii, a mexican cactus used in indian religious rites and as an experimental psychotomimetic**.

*- mescal buttons: The fresh or dried buttonlike tubercles of peyote, chewed as a drug by certain Native American peoples. Also called peyote.
**- psychotomimetic: Tending to induce hallucinations, delusions, or other symptoms of a psychosis.


nature carries countless unexplained, yet-to-be-discovered mysteries.. the planets in outer space we desire to explore, when yet our own planet lays before our eyes, simmering with countless wonders. deep breaths that heal, waters that cleanse, plants that soothe. oh, to be a naturalist now.. learning and living the most pure and basic way of life possible.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

orange chicken and job fairs

so i stayed up half of last night polishing up the ol' resume.. at 2 nats buzzes me to say she's bored.. so we drop by Tim Horton's to get coffee.. only that we get there and change our minds about coffee, and get a bottle of Mike's each instead.. polish them off and crash!

i was so bleary-eyed at work today.. and it was quite busy too.. so it was a bit of a pain since i work alone on wednesday mornings.. went for the job fair in the afternoon with nats, mal & ash.. it was a complete exercise in futility.. bleurgh! none of the companies were looking for mech engineers, and those that were only needed american citizens.. thank god i didn't even bother decking out in formals etc.

hung out and had tea with mal, ash and arul at 122.. then nats and i experimented making stir-fried orange chicken.. but i kinda overdid the orange rind, and it got a tad bit bitter.. now we know :-) watched 'The Gods Must be Crazy'for the umpteenth time.. i gotta say there are very few pick-me-up movies that work like this one does!! its so hilarious you roll on the floor laughing till your stomach hurts!

it's still snowing outside.. experts say its gonna go on unabated for a few more days! it's like minus twenty celsius outside, and here's a winter pic for all you snow-lovers out there..
wild winter!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

overheard

i love my job.. was shelving books in the stacks today.. and i overheard the following conversation:
Girl: "do you want some?"
Guy: (mumbling)"nahh.."
Girl: "are you sure you don't want some of this?!"
Guy: (still mumbling)"nahh.."
Girl: "it smells pretty good!"
Guy: (not convinced)"nahh.."
Girl: "my friend had some last night, she said it was great!"
Guy: (irritated now)"ok, fine!"
i had to see this one for myself.. so i went round, only to see her offer the guy her cookies.. chocolate chip cookies, lemme clarify!! :-P

it's been snowing for 36 hours almost non-stop.. the good thing is that it's not too cold, coz the one and a half feet of snow is not really conducive to walking! apparently the snows are gonna continue for one more day. just my luck, i have opening shifts at 8 both today and tomorrow!

i've finally managed to catch up on most of my backlog work.. filing tax returns, making my resume.. even met my co-advisor, and got started on my thesis (yes yes.. stop laughing now ppl!!)