what we are

going back to the point i raised a few days ago - too many blogs i read these days are tinged with emotion, sentiment and memories. every one's asking questions, of others, of themselves.. of what we are.

i know what i am. i am sick of judging, and being judged. i am tired of having to live conforming to standards. and easy as it is for people to say "break free, live your own life!", no one really does. we pretty much do what we have to do, what we are supposed to do, but rarely what we want to do. i can rarely do what i want to do. and things almost never go the way i want them to. i derive my strength from helping people with their problems, in what is probably a selfish streak of wanting to take parts in everyone's lives. i want control. i want to control. so judge me now! let's hear it!!

i am tired of seeing good people.. my friends usually.. being hurt. i am tired of seeing them being hit by pretty much everything that can go wrong. and i am tired of seeing them battered and bruised, but still struggling to smile and put up brave faces. the scariest thing of it all is that when all is falling apart around me, my little world is still holding up. and all i can think is how long? those favored by fortune say 'touch wood', those upon whom divine light shines, say 'praise the Lord', those who epitomise action over words say 'it is but karma', and i? i say 'we live to fight another day. thank you all'

mindless ramblings seem to be flavor of the week with my postings.. this is nice. i get to say so much, yet say nothing.. except to those who hear what they want to hear here, and to those too who hear what they don't want to hear - for them i say something. and it is upto them to understand what it means to them.

a quick shout out to the boys of RSF - see you all very very soon in buffalo!! let the games begin!! the meat will roast, the alcohol flow freely, and the women.. c'mon guys.. pull your own chicks!! i can't do everything for you!!