my country, my beer!

the sassy one came by last week (it was her birthday yesterday, go wish her!), and brought us a gift that shall truly be treasured. she managed to find some liquor shop in Canada that sold Tusker!! for those of you who have no idea what i am on about, Tusker is Kenya's no. 1 beer, and in the one minute you read this, another 260 bottles of it are being drunk!

i remember when i was in undergrad in India everytime i came back to college from vacations home i carried cartons of Tusker.. relived the rolling savannah, the breathtaking Rift Valley, herds of zebra grazing, pink flamingos lifting off in formation, barbecues crackling and the crisp, fruity aftertaste of Tusker.

it brought back a lot of memories of the homeland, it's been nearly three years since i've been home. friends have moved on since, and i've lost touch with lots of them. life takes us on such divergent and twisted paths that we wonder if some paths will ever be recrossed, or if some steps will ever be retraced.

i try to rest my head wherever i roam,
but where the heart is, that is home..

quiz results!

A Tale Of Two Sisters

there were two sisters Virginia & Mary-Jane
one was much fun and one was quite plain
the two together are even better though
good times and happy memories on the go

every time the two came over chaos ensued
the music was loud and there was food
we'd have a few drinks and laugh like crazy
and next morning things would be all hazy

thought we three'd be together forever
but society wouldn't let that happen ever
and though i knew they were no good for me
they made the days fun and the nights free

i had to leave Mary-Jane ten months back
sometimes her presence i really do lack
seen her around but not spoken to her
just fond thoughts of how we once were

and i leave Virginia as this month ends
i have to go, can't even be just friends
she's been there at the hardest moments
but she's killing me soft and intense

remembrances of us sitting and talking
through sunshine and snowfall walking
teasing and playing and moments intimate
it's time to leave, before it's too late.

PS: in case you didn't get it, maryjane and virginia are pseudonyms for weed and tobacco!

yeah baby!!

the deed is done
it was quite fun
they passed the s!
now he is an MS

all set

DATE: 03/28/06
TIME: 11:30am
PLACE: 202 Parker Hall

freedom is close.

so you know me eh?

so you drop by this blog ever so often, read and comment, or just lurk about.. but do you really remember anything? let's have some fun then, a quick quiz for y'all:

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

thank you all.. come back and leave a comment too!

yeah, thank you Gus Greeper for this, this was fun!

men & women

recently my parents called. ever since they got the extension in place, we have these conference calls, once a month usually. i discourage them from calling more often, cos with the time difference they usually catch me on sunday mornings. at noon on sunday i'm still clearing cobwebs from last night's booze and the rumbling from the tummy is saying "hey, wasn't there some wings left over from last night?!"

so ever since these three-way conversations started, i started remembering things about my folks. i can be excused for forgetting, cos it's been seven years since i lived at home, and in those seven years a lot of brain cells have been sacrificed at the altar of hedonism. more on that some other time. the one thing that i was reminded of was the difference between men and women.

men are basic. women love details. and that's how it is. men don't like little things, simple questions, and simple answers. which is why when women ask men too many questions, they reply "uhhmidunno". that one word pretty much answers everything. sample this:

mom: "son, so what's the status with your job and thesis? what're you gonna do after you're done. dad, why don't you tell him what he should do."
dad: "uhhmidunno."
me: "well ma, i had just planned on being here in buffalo and keep..."
mom: "wait, your dad has some ideas on what you can do. go on, tell him."
dad: "uhhmidunno."
mom: "come on! no wonder he's so messed up! tell him what you did when you were his age."
dad: "ok ok. boy, you got it covered?"
me: "yeah dad, it's cool."
mom: "i'll never understand you men!"
dad: "uhhmidunno."
me: "uhhmidunno."

so you see, basic. when a guy says he got it done, he's got it done. women love to know the little things, which i ain't saying is bad, but its just how things are. and when a guy tries to get to that detail level like women, then he better be prepared. you wanna start talking the talk then you better be prepared to walk that talk too. every time i tried to really talk to a woman, i'm just left thinking that man i must be some sorta retard. hell, i never thought of things the way she does?!

so when things start getting way too deep for me, i just wanna step back, cos i have no idea how to deal with all these emotions. for me it was always good mood (when my football team wins, and when the girl and i agree on what to eat), and bad mood (when the football team gets whipped, and the girl ain't talking to me). so i guess i gotta be prepared to start answering some questions, and dealing with detail. uhhmidunno.

finally

yes, now buzz off!

"Good Times, Bad Times" - Led Zeppelin

nothing quite like the tough times that tell a man who his true friends are. they are the ones who stand up and are ready to be counted alongside him. they show themselves, and do not pretend they have no idea what he is talking about. there is no hiding in the sidelines for this breed of friend, for they know when they are needed, and they show up, in one way or another.

to those of you, who know you are The Outlaw Torn's friends.. i thank you, sincerely.

dark spring

spring is the time life bursts forth, as bright green shoots dig their way out of thawing soil, and the sun peeks out from the blanket of clouds. blue skies make for cheery mornings and the new warmth in the air entices flower buds to peep shyly out of green calyces. birds return from their long sojourns south with a burst of song and nosy chatter while hungry squirrels scurry up and down trees digging up goodies buried away safely before the onset of the chill.

but sometimes the winter drags on. snowflakes whip around like little ice stars, digging and biting into exposed skin. the steel-grey clouds roil around like a tempest in the sky and the wind rushes forth like a messenger that bodes ill. plants try as they might but find no succour in the frozen ground. little birds that made the exhausting journey back huddle in disappointed clumps on branches and telephone lines. confused squirrels, thin and weak, trudge along the ground, looking up at the sky in vain desperation.

still, there is no hope forthcoming.

nothing

i did nothing yesterday, am doing nothing today, and will do nothing tomorrow. it's kinda hard to write posts daily when you're doing nothing. i have never felt as empty and worthless as i have the last couple of weeks.

break the ice

the NHL ice hockey season is reaching a crucial stage, with the playoffs looming fast, and the top teams jostling for position. this time around the Buffalo Sabres find themselves in a very lofty standing, and well-placed to make a run for the Stanley Cup, the holy grail for all things hockey. today, they come up against perennial division rival Toronto Maple Leafs. over the last few years the blokes from up north have been lording it over us, but this year change seems imminent.

apart from the fact that Toronto is just over the border from Buffalo, we share a lot of common traits with our brothers and sisters from across the (Niagara) Falls.. primarily an easygoing nature and a love for pretty women, beer, hockey and a good time, not necessarily in that order either. Toronto has long had the reputation for one of the most welcoming cities, and is said to have a cultural diversity that well matches New York City.. can't wait to get my papers in order so that i can go visit! oh yeah, the Canadians make two good beers (Labatt's & Molson) which easily kick the asses of anything Budweiser or Miller can come up with.

to that end, a very good friend of mine, the Sassy One, and her significant other will make the trip down south to hang out with us and watch the game. friendly wagers have been placed on the game, but i will leave it to her to tell you what these are! so here's looking forward to a great game, and a great night out partying!

the truth

8:31

Then said Jesus to those which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;

8:32

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

8:33

They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?

8:34

Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.

John Chapter 8 Verses 31-34

y'all know that i've never pushed religion down your throats, and neither have i professed any preference in my choice of religion. just that some things i was thinking of, and i got thinking about the truth, and how we handle it. i got carried back some twelve years and five thousand miles, to a little chapel in a catholic high school. the lights were dim, the incense was calming, the boys of the class sat there silently as Father Paul's deep baritone boomed across the vaulted arches.. ".. and the truth shall set you free.."

next time you feel a conflict building inside of you, and aren't sure what to choose.. even though the truth sounds like the harder path to follow, it usually works itself out in the end. at least, i wanna believe so!

saturday night fever blues

went downtown to the Tudor Lounge last night, a nice enough little dive bar in the heart of the Chippewa party district. renowned as a blues location, a pretty good band was on last night, the Blues Hounds. they had all the hallmarks of good blues music.. good drummer, capable guitarists, good vocals and an excellent harmonica. the native american kid who was playing the harmonica looked a bit incongruous, and hardly twenty, but he sure rocked the joint with his rhythm.

blues music has always been one genre where both white and black folk have agreed on. historically from the south, and developed by the poorer black slaves of the time, it rapidly spread to the guitar-based music of the white parts of the south too. places like Tennessee, Kentucky, Georgia and Mississippi being the hotbeds of blues culture. blues went on to influence several other genres too, including jazz, rhythm n' blues (Rn'B) and southern classic rock. read more here.

so what did you get up to on saturday night?

artsy-fartsy!

how often is it that you anticipate a friday night, planning it for a while, thinking of things to do, and then when the time comes, go ahead and jump into it headlong, carpe dieming it?! well, friday night we did.. planning a great night ahead, which started with a trip to an art museum, then dinner at a lebanese restaurant (including bellydancing!!), followed with possible hanging out at a pub somewhere.

now i'd like to say that i am a step above your average engineer, in the sense i try to appreciate the more artistic things in life, and that i don't view everything i see in newtons and meters per square centimeter. so confident in the knowledge that i would be in touch with my more art-appreciative side, we ventured to the Albright-Knox Museum. 45 minutes later, all i was really glad about was that it was free friday, and that i had paid no money to get in there. there was nothing there that caught the eye, nothing i found interesting. in fact, most of the 'art' there was stuff i could make while scratching my left ear, and would not even raise an eyebrow. how spectacular do you find this?

this is 'Untitled', by XXX (name protected for reasons of safety, his safety!!)

i just whipped this up on MS Paint in a matter of two minutes. i hear this piece of art was donated to the museum, and is in the range of some five figure sum (in dollars, with the decimal point after five digits mind you).

now you can see why i left this edifice in quite a huff. it also didn't help there was some latin dance shindig happening there, which i find quite the odious punishment, especially when most of the attendance comprises geriatric folk not far removed from a one-way ticket to the big dancehall in the sky, and also the fact that i would rather be there with the gf.

so A-Rod and i landed up back at home, with some buffalo wings and pizza, and a movie to watch.. and definitely no belly-dancing et al. sometimes it's good to make a change, but mostly i wouldn't mind being myself, the non-artsy-fartsy guy.

March Madness is here!

in case you didn't know what March Madness is, it's the month when all the college basketball games get to the playoff levels.. and it's time again to wear your team colours with pride! the UB Bulls made the playoffs again this year..

i am gonna be off today to Cleveland with the Mighty Maniacs, decked in blue and white.. chanting "Let's Go Buffalo"!! and yeah, meet our friend Victor!

the Blank Noise Project

now here is an admirable cause worth supporting.. the Blank Noise Project seeks to raise awareness about street sexual harassment in india. it's given an informal enough name - eve teasing - which makes it sound like some sort of practical joke, but there is absolutely nothing funny about this.

the saddest part is that almost every girl, lady and woman in india has faced this at some point in her life, from lewd comments, to being groped, and in some cases rape. often these cases are not even reported, because almost always the victim is ostracised, and made to feel that it was her fault! though the connotations are sexual, it is often an issue of power that underlies all this.. indian women have been downtrodden for way too long, objectified and itemized, and often it seems these abusers and criminals just do it because they can do it!

it appears that the archaic tenets of indian society need to be changed, but like all characteristics of this nature, can only happen over generations. it's like corruption, how do you fix it? sexual harassment is like racism, you pre-judge and abuse a certain section of society because of something they are. molestation of women can be stopped by instilling an inherent sense of respect in every man, but this will never be achieved as long as women's rights are not acknowledged. this is going to be a long battle.

read the other entries for the Blogathon

change, and the eternal challenge

what is the toughest challenge you have ever undertaken in your life? given an exam? finished a job? overcame some difficulty? how about change, have you ever tried to change?

recently, a few little snowballs in my life that had been rolling for some time, all merged together as they approached me, forming a giant avalanche.. an avalanche that engulfed me, and left me floundering, gasping for breath, wondering if i could go on. thankfully, sheer belief in something that i treasured, and someone that i valued, helped me get beyond that phase. and as i stand here, dusting myself off, i am thinking and living in a world of change.

as an engineer, i have been trained to approach problems from first principles. so i started with change, what is change? the psychology folks tell me that change is learning, and the process of learning never ends. some part of our behaviour, what we do, is inherited, but the rest we absorb by learning. we learn good things, and we learn bad things. things that we learn can be unlearned, then why not bad behaviour as well? and therein lies the eternal challenge.

one of the first things i read when i embarked on this journey was that procrastination is the biggest enemy of change. not surprisingly, the biggest procrastinators are also the people least likely to change. the key word here is motivation. how strong is your motivation? it goes without saying that if your motivation is not strong enough, you will not change. most of us test the limits, wondering how much longer we can keep things going without making that big step, the big 'C' word.. change.

something had to give, and when it gave, it jolted me big time. shook me out of my dreamy reverie, and off this lofty perch i had assigned myself. the line between sheer arrogance and self-confidence is very narrow. i crossed that line so long ago that it was a dot on the horizon in my rear-view mirror. not any more. i have made that U-turn, and i'm headed back into the light. now to see what change will bring.

i apologize to any one i have rubbed the wrong way. it's the least i can do to make up for stuff i did or said in the past.

NB: for further reading, click here.

beware the ides of March

what an appropriate day for the age-old soothsayer's warning.. "beware the ides of March", though the date is actually the kalends of March. February ended with a huge pile-up, and i find myself mentally and emotionally shattered by what's happening in my life.

i will be going away from the blog for a while. this blog has been my escape from reality for a long time now, but maybe this whole escape thing is not cutting it. i hope to be back when the smoke and dust from the wreckage clears. take care of yourselves.